JIHADI JOHN IS DEAD!!! BOMBED IN THE HEAD!!!

So today, we have the ENTIRELY spurious idea that yet another TERRORIST MASTERMIND has been neatly killed in the field of war without any possibility of proveable evidence.

Yes boss, we know this because that beacon of truth and honesty The Pentagon SAYS SO!!!

Well, I'll be damned!

Here's what I think has happened.

Jihadi John NEVER EXISTED!!!

No boss, for me, he was a made up and manipulated boogey man, much like Bin Laden who we all have to HATE and be SCARED of so the war machine can rumble on wherever it pleases.

Russia have however recently entered the swamp conflict in Syria and by all reports they seem to be FAR better at mopping up NICELY BACKED and funded mercenaries sometimes known as ISIS. ISIL, Islamic State or IS than the US are...!?!?

Yes boss, all told, The US with the worlds BIGGEST military are amazingly SHIT at mopping up anyone at all aren't they??? Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria. They always manage to have endless ineffective wars they don't win conclusively that roll on for ages making TRILLIONS for US arms contractors and Private Militias?!?!

As SHIT as the US are at effectively winning conflicts, their Military BUSINESS is sure as shit the BIGGEST in the world!!!

I wonder if that's a coincidence...!?!?

Anyway...

All of a sudden Russia has entered the Syrian war fray and The US DON'T LIKE IT!!!

No boss, THEY'RE PISSED!!! HOW DARE THE RUSKIES SHOW UP AND START THROWING THEIR HEAVY WEAPONS AT THE BAD GUYS?!?!?

And so the US had to sieze the narrative and start looking EFFECTIVE!!!

PRONTI FUCKING QUA!!!

'How can we look effective?'

'Errrr. Bomb Russia?'

'No. Not just yet.'

'Errrr'

'Have we got any cutouts we can pretend to kill with no evidence?!? Like Bin Laden?'

'Well, there's this HEAD CUTTER creation the UK are into called Jihadi John. We could pretend to kill him. 'Killing' him will make us look EFFECTIVE. Putin hasn't got him! We'll look GREAT IN THE UK MARKET!!! PEOPLE'LL LOVE OUR HEAVY WEAPONS!!!'

'SET THE CONTROLS FOR THE HEART OF THE JOHN!!!'

Here's a wierdness...

I'm currently running a hotbox.

I'm channeling the heat from one of my desktop computer fans into a survival foil lined blanket box underneath my desk in which is contained 2x40L batches of homebrewed beer!!!

Yes boss, when doing the first fermentation on a homebrew you need to maintain a temperature of 18-24 degrees to allow the yeast to

DO THEIR FUCKING WORK!!!

Thing is, I live in a warehouse with a plastic roof and bad draughtproofing, and at this time of year keeping the ambient temperature above freezing is generally hard and expensive work, nevermind keeping a consistent temperature of between 18-24 degrees. But one lowly computer fan making energy for 100101010101010010101 and this hotbox maintains temperatures of between 24 and 30 degrees and so brews the beer nicely and seems to UP the ABV is anyone who's tasted the marginal quality beers will vouch for..!)

Anyway...

To keep my computer pumping out enough heat to warm the hotbox 24/7 for 4-7 days I leave music running on it 24/7. I don't always have the amp turned on so I can hear it, but I put on a whacking great playlist to ensure the computer doesn't go to sleep and so keeps doing enough work to create the heat to make the beer work.

Well...

Last night on the playlist was a whole bunch of FULL LPs of music. I call that folder DJSETS, but it's not all Sander Kleinberg & Pete Tong, it's a mixture of that and full LPs without track breaks some of which I copied to MP3 form cassettes before disposing of them 15 or more years ago.

So...

Last night, the volume right down, I was drifting off and I could hear some UNGODLY FUCKING NOISE!!!

very quietly

that was all distorted and wierd sounding...!??!

Feeling curious as to what and who it was I listened hard, head up form the pillow, and eventually made out it was an mp3 of Motorheads Overkill LP. 

This sent me on a trip down memory lane.

I originally bought that badly distorted cassette on which the MP3 is made, when I was a teenager. I bought it from a clearance 'Our Price' sale shop in Southampton. I'd cycle the 5 miles to Our Price when I should'a been at some dull fucking lesson at 6th form college on a Friday afternoon. It was one of my regular bunks. I'd go there and buy a bunch of returned LPs and cassette tapes that were damaged or unsellable or sleeveless

REJECTS

and therein lay the foundations of my record collection.

Anyway...

Once I'd worked out, the noise I was hearing was Overkill by Motorhead, I found myself lying there wondering about whatever happened to Phil 'Philthy Animal' Taylor. Phil is the only drummer - for that matter the only member of Motorhead of however many there's been, (excepting the ubiquitous Lemmy) I can put a face on. I remember him leering into a camera on some documentary or on a Motorhead video. His tongue out LEERING CRAZY FACE has always stuck with me.

Well, I remember driffffffffffiting off to sleep last night thinking...

'Whatever happened to Philthy Animal Phil? Yeah, i think he's dead, he died a while ago. Yeah, I remember hearing about it. Cancer it was. Poor old Phil, I wonder how old he was? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz'

Well, I was just reading the British State Broadcaster website and it turns out he didn't die of cancer years ago, he died last night

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-34803204

R.I.P MR PHILTHY!!!

Now, this is all a bit odd and somewhat esoteric for me, and in any other situation I'd like to claim GREAT POWERS of premonition and GENIUS some kind of vague divination. You know like everyone does when they have a slip of serendipity

But I'm not gonna.

No boss...

The night before last, I had a VERY STRONG dream in which I became CERTAIN my dad was dead. It was the kind of dream that marks you so HARD you spend most of the morning waiting for the confirmation phone call to confirm the events that seem CERTAIN to have happened.

'YES PAUL. ABSOLUTELY! HE'S DEAD RIGHT NOW! NO DOUBTING THAT!!!' 

There was a horrible finality to it

Before falling asleep to Motorhead last night, I called my Dad to see how he was. He sounded VERY confused. He's 86 years old and last week my mum called the Doctor out in the morning because he woke up and he didn't know who he was or what was going on!??!!?

My dad is the POLAR OPPOSITE of the Motorhead CRAZED DRUNK DRUGGED LOON image of Phil 'Philthy Animal' Taylor in my head and he's not dead, but he didn't sound so hsarp and well on the phone yesterday. My mum thinks he's not been taking his drugs in the right order and that's why he's not quite right.

I hope that's so.

nice guy dave FARTING GREAT STREAMS OF SECURE AND SAFE SHIT FOR BRITAIN!!!

 
In contrast to Corbyns ambling and well meaning earnestness, the blue corners 'nice guy dave' Cameron is your quintessential shyster, shit eating professional politician with a heart so THICK, DUMB and HARD you could use it alongside a number of other LARGE bits of rock to shore up an endangered sandy beach....

Yes boss, never one to miss an opportunity to fart a GENUINE stream of shit out of his mouth, 'nice guy dave' has made the extraordinary claim that Corbers HATES BRITAIN and wishes Osama Bin Laden  is alive in his speech to the tory sheep?!?!?

Now let's examine this claim of 'nice guys' a little:

Yes boss, I'm no concise student of Jezzas back catalogue of writing and speeches, but I think what he ACTUALLY said in regard of Osama 'sleeps with the fishes' Bin Laden was that when the alleged CRACK Seal Team 6 broke into his alleged compound in Pakistan, it was really quite brainless to kill an unarmed TERRORIST MASTERMIND who it was said was responsible for the worlds greatest terrorist atrocity, when he could have been taken alive, debriefed, questioned, water boarded and put through a ridiculous and lengthy trial in some kangaroo court like ICC in The Hague...

Is that really so mad?!?!

I wouldn't say so.

No boss, far from being brainless and Britain hating, such a suggestion is in fact relatively sane, terror preventing and strategically astute isn't it??? If Binners was such a consummate bad guy, why not put the fucker in court and pump him for him info on his sins and his and his acolytes plans for the future!?!?

Of course, such a scenario relies on the alleged truth that it was Bin Laden who was killed in that house in Pakistan, which is almost certainly NONSENSE! Yes boss, much information would suggest the EVIL Bin Laden MYTH was a fairy story from beginning to end - but let's not get too far into that, the point here is that all Corbayaaa was saying was:

'If all that bullshit you spun about 9/11is true, we might as well have kept him alive- then we might win this ridiculous WAR OF TERROR rather than fighting it endlessly in money making circles. Capische?'

But NO!!!!!! That kind of logic apparently doesn't makes sense if you like the COLD and empty feel of a pigs mouth around your genitals.

No boss, TO BE A TRUE BRITISH PIG LOVING PATRIOT YOU HAVE TO NOT ONLY BELIEVE FAIRY STORIES, YOU HAVE TO IMAGINARILY KILL THE CHARACTERS 'N ALL!!!

OF COURSE THAT KEEPS US WRAPPED UP IN OUR BEDS SAFE!!!
 
THE BAD GUYS STAND NO CHANCE NOW!!!

UNLESS THAT BEARDED OLD AGE JARVIS COCKER CUNT GETS HIS FEET UNDER THE DESK!??!

CORBAYAAA MY LORD CORBAYAAA!!!

It's been a rumbling reality start to Jezzas forray into REAL WORLD politics.

Yes boss, in order to avoid disillusionment, I didn't tune in for his maiden speech to the Labour hoards. I did however hear and read it was disappointingly unromantic.

I've also read that almost immediately he's had to drop his grandiose loner ideas about the UK leaving NATO and perhaps even the EU. It also appears the Trade Unions, who's only concern is ever 'GETTING MORE PAY FOR MAKING MORE SHIT' have talked him out of any hope of phasing out Trident because it provides

JOBS!!!.

Yes boss, policy-wise Corbys about 8-0 down after a few minutes of the first half and even in Rugby that's not a good scoreline.
 
Oh and what happened to the Privy Council gig??? Is Corby in or not? Did he get down on his creakies and smear his well vaselined lips on the grizzled old bitchs ring (with his fingers crossed behind his back) so he could recieve SECRET SECURITY news all the other ELECTED MPs aren't allowed to hear but the g.o.b at the top (who has ABSOLUTELY NO POWER) is???

In all honesty, I doubt they even want him in on that - the kind of shit that gets discussed there isn't for well meaning corduroy commies who actually LISTEN to ordinary people and who have doubts about the reality of 9/11...

That kind of scene is for retarded public schoolboys who put their dicks in pigs ONLY!!!

And therein lies the MAIN complication for any air headed idealist gaining a proper position of power in the UK.
 
THIS ISN'T ICELAND!!!

Yes boss, the UK system is bigger and far nastier than any individual. If you go inside expecting to make any substantial change you're going to end up disappointing and being disappointed.

You either get suckered up and into it or ejected out.

End of story...

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY!!!

Here we go with a new feature that will appear each and every day I see something that entertains, excites or amuses me on ebay...

And what better place to start than here...

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Original-Oil-Painting911-The-World-Trade-Centre-attack-Ground-zero-/171954820404

£1500 WELL SPENT!!!







 

And whilst we're talking about REAL MENS THINGS!!!

I had my new pair of Size 9 'Grafters' steel toe-capped and midsoled WORKING MENS shoes arrive today!!!

I've been walking around the flat in them in a MANLY way!!!

'LOOK AT THESE WORKING SHOES!!!' I'm thinking to myself as I pace about making more noise than normal. 'THESE ARE MANS SHOES!!! REAL MAN TOUGH HARD MAN WORKING SHOES FOR REAL MENS WORK!!! JUST LOOK AT ME!!! I'M WEARING REAL MANS SHOES!!!'

Yes boss

MY COCK FEELS 2 INCHES LARGER AND I HAVEN'T EVEN WALKED AROUND IN PUBLIC IN THEM YET!!!

'But why have you bought these real man shoes Paul?'

I've bought them because I dropped a bag of bricks on my toe when landscaping a garden in Highgate (more on this in a later post). My big pinky nail is underneath bloodied, and it's gonna pop off soon. Yes boss, I'm no longer dayjobbing at the wine company I co-founded and still 1/3 own, I now dayjob doing building work and so I need these

PROPER MANS SHOES!!!!

WINE COMPANIES ARE FOR NONCES!!!

I'VE GOT AN XL SIZED BRIGHT YELLOW FLOURO JACKET WITH REFLECTIVE STRIPES 'N ALL!!! The idea of wearing both these WORKING MANS shoes + this WORKING MANS jacket together is almost too much for me to bear...

Enough already, I'm off to pay the Council Tax (wearing these shoes)

OBVIOUSLY!!!

Rubgy World Cup Pt1

Do you wanna see FAT MUSCLY MAN CUNTS SHOVING their heads between each others legs and battering each other like bulls who can't run properly because their thighs are too big, so they trot along like full balled grunt monsters?!?!

Yes boss, we're a coupla weeks into the Rugby World Cup and there's been 2 or 3 good games. I've watched most of them, at least in part, and so far it's not nearly as exciting and interesting as the endless commercial  gym punditry and retired chunk bloke spin would have you believe.

England VS Wales was good, Wales Vs Fiji yesterday also wasn't bad and Japan Vs South Africa was good. The rest of the games have been varying shades of dull with results that were so predictable in advance there's no point betting on them. Yes boss, the main and much commented upon problem with Rugby as a game is there's not enough countries who give a shit, and so most games are predictable work outs by good or excellent teams against rank amateur teams thrown together to make up the numbers. For sure the gap betwixt and between is narrowing, but for now the group stage at least, is not much of a spectacle.

Foolishly, I was persuaded by my brother to go and see one of these NO HOPER games just over the way in the newly refurbished Ikea stadium in the Grizzled Bitch Olympic Park

New Zealand Vs Namibia

£125?!?!

Yes boss, £125 to watch a second string New Zealand side respectfully piss all over Namibia. 80 minutes - more than a quid a fucking minute to watch these demented CAVEMEN batter and bash one another in pursuit of stupid oval ball that doesn't even bounce straight

?!?!? 

All told, it was a strange and underwhelming LIVE sport experience: Yes boss, watching the game under the newly inverted illuminati pyramid lights is much like watching HD TV. You've got the flawless pitch and the shine, perfect sound and the sheen of the colour. Everything is perfect in HYPER COLOUR RICH AD SURROUND!!!

HYPER COLOUR RICH AD SURROUND!!!

with a shit atmosphere.

Yes boss, there was more going on amongst the Super Dry (TM) zombie hordes in the nearby Westfield shopping center than in that flat pack stadium. We're talking 60,000 indifferent 'fans' who mostly support neither team mostly sitting in silence watching BIG and EFFECTIVE chunks of meat run into BIG and UN-EFFECTIVE chunks of meat. The only moment of any palpable excitement was when Namibia were pushing and then scoring a try. The rest of the time it was simply dull and un-entertaining.

This is the problem with professional level sport. When it's a dull mis-match there's ABSOLUTELY nothing to see and no entertainment to be had - you're far better off watching Sunday League Rugby for free...

The only best thing about seeing the game LIVE, was I didn't have to tolerate quite so many godawful Rugby based adverts, idents and that horrendous fraud Paloma Faith singing 'World In Union' (RUGBY IS THE WORLD BATTERING SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!!!).

On one of these 'idents' you've got some company called SEE or BSE with this orangutan sat on the pitch looking confused!?!?

Imagine that concept meeting in the ad agency on that one?!?!

'OK. Anybody with any ideas?!?!'

'I'm thinking an orangutan sitting on the posts looking confused in an empty stadium will send out a POWERFUL and CONTEMPORARY image!!!'

'Mmmm, then what? WHAT'S THE VIBE??? WHAT'S THE FULL CONCEPT?!?!?'

'Then he goes and sits in the changing room looking all long faced, simple and retarded?!?!'

'BRILLIANT!!! The budget's £300,000 LET'S GO MAKE HISTORY!!!'

As for Englands chances???

I'll be betting they'll loose to Australia on Saturday and exit the tournament early. Despite the AD hype and jingoistic expectation gathered together by lots of home soil marketing, I reckon the best this mediocre England team can hope to do, is do as has done the various mediocre English football team many times before.

Disappoint, self sabotage and melt away when it really matters.

Let's see if I'm wrong...