YUM YUM!!!

This morning I ate some prawn pasta that's 4 days old. In that time it's been in and out of the fridge. It was in my daughters packed lunch when she went on a school trip to the Royal Albert Hall on Friday.

I was looking at it this morning thinking...

Shall I eat it..?

'I shouldn't...' I thought 'but I fucking LOVE prawns and I HATE to waste food!'

so down the hatch it went...

That was a coupla hours ago.

Well I've had a nap, my tummys gurgling a little, but at this point I'd say I might have got away with it...

I'll make this a LIVE blog with all the liquid details should anything change...

FILM REVIEW : FULL METAL JACKET

Stanley Kubrick....!?!?

SUPER TALENTED!!!

But boy did he need someone who could tell him to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!

Yes boss, SUPER GEEKERY is truly admirable and a very good use of the word genius, but it can't half get indulgent and/or irrelevant...

That's not the problem with Full Metal Jacket though or maybe it is...?


Well....


More or less the first hour of Full Metal Jacket is BRILLIANT!!!

The portrait of the BRAINWASHING (and that's what it is) that goes into making an army function is spectacular! The illustration of how innocence is corrupted, how nice young boys are turned into demented platoons of FRED WESTS, who much like Fred come round to thinking killing is normal, fine and in the interests of humanity is stunningly accurate and well done...

A FUCKING TRIUMPH!!!


The second half is however


DUFF!!!


Yes boss, as soon as Private Pyles eyes start going all GHOULISH, the film is over. In fact ideally it should finish just before then, because there's no need for his eyes to go ghoulish, WE KNOW HE'S GONNA GO SCHIZO AND KILL THAT LOVEABLE SHITHEAD!!!

Yes boss, having portrayed subtlety brilliantly, we suddenly have his conversion to madness SPELT OUT!!!

No need...

I'd have him continue to be naive and on the end of the boot, AND SUFFERING, but still smiley and unperturbed in other moments...

and then have him casually shoot Hartman in a clean and blank way  before returning to polishing his shoes.

As if it's simply business...!)

No boss, madness isn't really about rolling eyes and demented stares. But then maybe that would make Private Pyle the marines best EVER recruit, a calm and calculated killer - rather than the catastrophic failure he is???

The other thing that stinks with the second half for me is the set.

Yes boss, it's FUCKING TERRIBLE!!! Palm trees are placed with all the imagination of Vietnam being a Jamaican beach. Small obviously fake fires are dotted about like there's small obvious fake fires dotted about!?!? It makes no sense to me at all. The air is wrong, the skies are wrong, the humidity is wrong, wrong, wrong....

Reading wikipedia I learn that the set was in fact carefully crafted based on photos of the relevant area of Vietnam? But to me, it looks like the kind of warzone a child would draw up. It never convinces me it's filmed in Vietnam or a realistic warzone for one minute...

Which it wasn't.

And that's the other thing that REALLY annoys me about the set is that I know it was filmed at the Old Gas Works in Beckton, East London.

Yes boss, after the film was shot, that gas works was cleaned up and turned into an out of town style set of warehouse shops. I go there regularly and every time I do, as well as every time I watch the film, I'm not enjoying the film or even my shopping experience, I'm wondering where in the fuck Poundland is in relation to that bombed out building?

What about Sports Direct? Is it built on top of that unconvincing palm tree?

Tescos!??! To the left of that flamey fire...?

Pizza Hut....?

WHAT ABOUT B & FUCKING Q!??!!?


So there we go....

Still doubtlessly a remarkable and genius film and state propoganda maker, with his EYES WIDE OPEN, but I'm afraid I feel there's only half a good film here...

WELL SHIT....

Another long absence from writing....!?? Almost a year...?!!?

I can't really think of a valid reason

I can however think of plenty of excuses.

Yes boss : Time, space, inclination, INTEREST, having more interest in visual work, childcare, FEAR!!! TOO MUCH SHOUTING!!!, dirt, dust, booze and audience indifference, to name but more than 10

This hiatus has however to come to end...

Yes boss, I'm 41 (mental age now aroundabout 18). If I'm lucky I've got 25 years before I descend into DEEP DEMENTIA AND SENILITY!!!

THE CLOCK IS TICKING!!!

And I have yet to complete anything like my best head of writing?

No boss, NO GREAT AND TIMELESS WORKS YET?!?!

Well...

Obviously I need to repair this before I start forgetting where the space bar is. Yes boss, I can complete blurry messy pictures and demented paintings when I'm in the old age funny farm! There'll be plenty of young nurses around who'll no doubt be more than happy to pose, my imagination will be RUNNING RIOT!!! AND I WON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!

'Oh, that's just Paul, he's beyond retarded now, but his daughter said he could have been a contender...''

Yes boss, I look forward to the old dogs home. I like old people. I like the way they become lighter and more playful, careless and belligerent and just say EXACTLY what's on their mind. And so I look forward to sitting there in my fancy reclining chair (one of those with levers on where bits pop out to help you relax or get up)

Yes boss, that's what I've instructed my daughter

'As soon as there's any sign of decline. Get me in one of those homes! I'LL LOVE IT!!! A cheap one mind, one where all the freaks and impoverished misfits are, not some pricey and contented middle class hell hole with evening Yazz singalongs...'

My daughter is 7 and now she claims she won't do any such thing, but a few months of me splattering nonsense talk and SHREEEEEKING AT THE LIGHT!!! and she'll soon see the sense of the idea.

Anyway...

WRITING TIME NOW IS OF THE ESSENCE!!! And due to a coupla turns of good fortune as well plenty of dirty £$£$£ work so far this year, I have a coupla months ahead with NO external £$£$£$£ work pressure at all, no booze neither and so I'm focusing on writing.

TIME AND SPACE TO WRITE!!!

FUCKING WORDS!!!

The commitment is 1 blog per day and a finished draft of my book project

Let's see if I can hold it together beyond Friday....?

BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!

More Cameron POO POO!!!

But quickly, back to that large stream of SHIT that exited Camerons gob...

Yes boss, in that WAR speech, he made claims that included:

'No-one could have known ISIL would emerge!?!??'

Errrrr....YES THEY COULD HAVE! THEY WERE CLEARLY PLANNED AND FACILITATED BY YOU AND YOUR MATES DAVE!!! TURKEY, SAUDI, QATAR, ISRAEL, THE US. Furthermore, there's been a hugely successful and prolonged PR campaign to tell us they exist. The Sun & Daily Mail in particular have been revving such a campaign to MAKE them exist in everyones minds eye.

Then it was...

'The Free Syrian Army have 70,000 troops'

!?!?!?

So, ISIS, who we are often told are only several thousand or maybe tens of thousands of HEADCHOPPERS strong are currently holding off the combined air militaries of Russia, France & The US +  The Syrian army in full + the various anti ISIS militias and Hezbollah + 70,000 regulars in the alleged FSA?!?!

AND they're gaining ground, influence, power and their PR reach has never been better!?!?

And these fucks aren't even professional soldiers?!?!?

WOW!!!!

But according to 'Nice Guy' Dave, if we THE UK start bombing them too, ISIL WILL CERTAINLY BE VANQUISHED AND WE'RE GONNA WIN!!!

(and create a lasting peace and well functioning state like we did in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya!!!)

PHEWW.....

NEVER BEFORE HAVE I HEARD SUCH COMPREHENSIVE AND COMPLETE NONSENSE TALKED!!!

No boss, but that snivveling, fat faced shit always sounds so endearing and truthful doesn't he?!!? It's like he's some kind of middle aged choir boy who's never been fucked by a priest, but has in fact had deep, meaningful and TRUE experiences every time he's entered the stalls?!!?

'The CEO of Raytheon is here to see you Sir'

Today, by complete accident, I had the misfortune to hear that dirty little pig fucking SHYSTER Dave 'Nice Guy' Cameron deliver a speech to the House Of Commons, in which he set out his case for BRITAIN TO GET INVOLVED DIRECTLY IN ANOTHER WAR!!!

YES BOSS, APPARENTLY IT'S ONCE AGAIN TIME TO BOMB SYRIA!!!

Who'd have seen that coming?!?!

Yes boss, by now, we should  all know the script...

A BIG EVENT HAPPENS!!!

Last time re Syria, it was some alleged Chemical Weapons ANNIHILATION Assad had pulled off?!?!

HOWLS OF DERISION!!! HOW UTTERLY BARBAROUS!!! SMALL CHILDREN!!! WE MUST SEND BOMBS FOR THEM!!! BOMBS TO SET THEM FREE!!! BOMBS TO AVENGE THEM!!! YES!!! WE MUST BOMB NOW AND BOMB HARD!!!

('The CEO of Raytheon is here to see you Sir' 'EXCELLENT!!! Send him right in!')

But that fish didn't fly...

No boss, the media war wasn't won, people had heard all that shit about mystical 'chemical weapons' before. The ad campaign was too old, tired and unimaginative

So, it goes quiet...

What happens next?!?!

Perhaps, a meeting is had in the PR (PR has only ever been a shortening of Propaganda) department.

That meeting goes something like this :

'OK. Our 'Chemical Attack Campaign' didn't work!?!? Not enough people bought the Syrian war! We need a NEW idea!!! Something even more barbaric and despicable than the gassing of small children!!! Any ideas?'

'Headchopping?'

'Say that again Malcolm?' 

'Headchopping??'

'Headchopping - that's good Malcolm!!! The public'll really respond to that!!! YES!!! VERY VERY MIDDLE AGES  MALCOLM!!! VERY PULP FICTION!!!'

'Yeah, they could wear black balaclavas, and wear those guantanmo suits and-'

'VERY VISUAL MALCOLM!!! LET'S DO IT!!!'

And so follows a coupla years of very HEAVY propoganda about how these HEAD CHOPPING ISLAMIC FUCKING FREAKS dressed in black are more barbaric and worse that Hitler!!! THEY'RE MARAUDING!!! THEY'RE EVIL!!! THEY WEAR BLACK!!! THEY REMOVE HEADS!!!

YES BOSS,

THEY DON'T BLOW THEM OFF...

NO!!! They gently slice them off with sharp SILVERY clean knives..!!!

And you know what!?!?

THEY'RE THREATENING OUR WAY OF LIFE!!!

Some of them are even ENGLISH!!?!?!!

And so when enough NONSENSE hype has been grown up around the campaign, another quite unexpected

BIG EVENT!!!

occurs in Paris

and

AWAY WE GO!!!

HOW UTTERLY BARBAROUS!!! TEENAGE CHILDREN!!! WE MUST SEND BOMBS FOR THEM!!! BOMBS TO SET THEM FREE!!! BOMBS TO AVENGE THEM!!! YES!!! WE MUST BOMB FOR THEM NOW AND BOMB HARD!!!

('The CEO of Raytheon is here to see you Sir' 'EXCELLENT!!! Send him right in!')

And now onto the REAL meat and potatos...

WAR!!! MORE WAR!!!

BOMBS AND MORE BOMBS!!!

Yes boss, the phoney praying, crying, flag raising and false grief mostly done with, now we get on to the REAL meat and potatoes of the public response to the France INNOCENT DEATH Spectacular!!!

WAR!!! AND MORE WAR!!!

YES BOSS!!!

BRITAIN NEEDS TO STOP FANNYING ABOUT AND GET INVOLVED IN TACKLING ISIS HEAD ON!!!

FRANCE NEEDS TO UP IT'S ANTE!!! 

LOCKHEED MARTIN NEED TO MAKE MORE MONEY!!!

AND RAYTHEON!!!

RUSSIA NEED TO FUCK OFF FROM KILLING ISIS BECAUSE WE'RE BETTER AT MIDDLE EAST RAMPAGE THAN THEY ARE!!!

WE NEED MORE SACRIFICE!!! MORE CONTROL!!! MORE WAR OPTIONS!!! MORE TROOPS!!! MORE SPIES!!! MORE MILITARY FUNDING!!! MORE SECURITY CAMERAS!!! MORE FAT FACE GUM FUCKER CAMERON!!! LESS PACIFIST, POPPY SHY CUNT CORBYN!!!

AND MUCH MORE WAR!!!

Shit, how could we have ever become so slack in ARMING OURSELVES TO THE TEETH and waging MEANINGLESS SYNTHETIC TERROR AND DEATH in other peoples countries?!?!

Really....????

Nahhh...

I'd say that before waving SILLY red, white and blue flags and getting your ire too stoked on the HEADCUTTING INNOCENT CULTURE SLAYING NEVER SEEN BEFORE EVIL!!! that's said to be

IS

Have a good and wide ranging look into the history of that 'organisation'.

Look at the role our good friends and allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia have had, and still have in it's formation, rise and function. Look into Frances predilection to arming Qatar & Saudi Arabia who then arm groups who allegedly blow 7 shades of shit out of the French people. Look into the former Saudi Intelligence Chief and HORRENDOUS war criminal Bandar bin Sultan - the de facto General of ISIS, and then have a look at his connections with the Bush family and western governments and intelligence services. Look at John McCain and Lindsey Graham and their links to ISIS and Bandar Bush. Look into the pipelines that want to cross Syria just as soon as the country has been leveled, it's people slaughtered, and an appropriate government installed...

Oh, and how come ISIS never seem interested in attacking Israel??? If they're really after Islamic Infidels, you'd have though Israel'd be the FIRST stop on their Toyota pick up tour of the Middle East...?!?!?

DON'T TELL ME THOSE HATEFUL CUNTS ARE SCARED?!?!

And on that note I'll leave off the amateur Foreign Policy and get back to playing with my action men and pop star dolls...

DON'T FORGET TO WEAR A HELMET!!!

French Lives Matter...

OK

Yesterday I posed 2 questions on my twitter in relation to this absurd, hypocritical and institutionally racist hyperbole surrounding 130 something innocent dead people in Paris. The questions were in reference to the wierd and uncanny speed (within hours in some places) with which many of the worlds landmarks become enshrouded in red white and blue lights - a supposed sign of solidarity with the dead French.

The questions were:

Is it not wierd the worlds landmarks have red white and blue lights on tap...?

And how come the same world monuments don't have green red and black lights ready for each day 120 innocent people die in Iraq or Syria?

Well, the good news I reckon I have the answer to question 1.

Yes boss, as much as I like conspiracy theory, that question wasn't meant to suggest the light maintainers of the worlds landmarks are part of a secret society who had prior knowledge of the attack and were so ready with their red, white and blue lights - it was purely a logistical question that i couldn't get my head around at the time?!?!?

So, the answer to that one is I think that red and blue 'gels' were applied to the existing lights that light up the building to make them turn colour. Yes boss, I've worked on, and seen enough film sets and seen these sheets of thin plastic called gels which are applied to set lights. Once sourced, they take seconds to apply and change the colour of the light. It's not rocket science and I'm not sure why I didn't think of it sooner.

GOT IT!!!

The second question  I haven't however got such a simple, logical or agreeable answer to.

No boss, just why are innocent French lives so important and worthy of such worldwide empathy and collective head ringing, 'prayers' and HORROR!!! and Syrian or Iraqi lives aren't?

They're all humans aren't they???

Isn't it the case that 130 innocent dead in Syria or Iraq these past years is a quiet day? There's more than 100,000 gone for sure in Syria and in Iraq the figure would seem to be a MILLION or more at least.

BUT WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE LITTLE BROWN PEOPLE?!?!?

Why is there no substantial solidarity there? No large and successful twittter and facebook campaigns for phoney fake prayers that aren't even made? No dull celebrity backed chummyness WE ARE THE WORLD!!! No Iraqi flags on National Monuments? No Syrian flags on profile pictures?

Why not??? What did those innocent people NOT do that the French did?? Eat Croissants?!?!!?

There's only one possible answer to that and it's that

Rich white French lives matter

Poor, brown Syrian or Iraqi and Palestinian or Lebanese lives don't.

And if that kind of dumb, simple, racist mentality is an encouraging sign of HOPE!!! and PROGRESS!!! and COMPASSION!!! and CHANGE!!! then I'm a baguette.