Saturday 7 January 2017

Is feeding the cat his own sick immoral...?



I've got the cat eating his own sick.

He'd not vomitted at all for a good few days. He's been eating some HIGH CLASS out of date cat food reasonably well! That with 1 or 2 meals of pure cooked chicken and it was all going down and staying down NICELY...

This afternoon I went with a decent portion of chicken for the fat fucks lunch...

And then I started cooking for myself and my daughter (I don't often do this) but as I often cook tuna pasta if I do, and as I do when I do that, I left a bit of tuna in the can for him to polish off!

I thought as I put it down by his bowl

'THIS'LL PROBABLY MAKE HIM VOMIT!!! Tuna and chicken in the same weak little stomach can only be a recipie for disaster'

And sure enough he did fucking vomit.

But this time rather than letting forth a DEMENTED inwards yelp, followed by his excited running to the nearest carpet in order to deposit, I found the sick right placed right next to the bowl. The whole 2 meals there in one large and convincing dollop as if they'd simply been mixed together with a bit of milk  or 3 days on the plate mayonaisse!

And I thought

'I'M FUCKED IF I'M WASTING THAT!!! He'll eat it himself no problem if I leave it there on the floor, but I can't leave it there looking like sick or else the housemates will complain...

And so I got a wet wipe, scooped it all back in the bowl for when he'd recovered and figured that if there were any questions as to what he was on I'd tell my housemates it was simply a new recipie I was trying

Tuna with Milk and Chicken..

Post vomit, Michio Kareem Friend took a slow walk, sat outside my door and took a moment of peace and philosophical calm.

Well about 15 minutes of it.

Then he turned back around and set about his meal for the second time.

He had about half of it there and then before retiring for a good sleep on my bed for 4 or 5 hours.

I've just let him back out to polish the rest off.

He seems a bit slow and stoned but other than that all is well!


Tomorrow he'll wake me up by licking my face...


Monday 12 December 2016

TV REVIEW : When Pillip Met Prince Philip : 60 Years Of The Duke Of Edinburghs Award



I watched this program with my Mum & Dad

Yes boss, if it'd had been solely down to me,  I'd have opted for David Blaine magic jim jamming around MAGIC with celebrities on Channel 4. Celebrities nearly always RUIN a perfectly good program, but if David Blaine's involved, I'll watch it because he does some clever shit...

Anyway...

My Mum and Dad wanted to watch The Duke, and I'd imagine they imagined I'd like it to, seeing as though I have a GOLD Duke Of Edinburghs Award 'presented to me' by The Duke himself (That's another story I don't have the patience to recount here) 

and so i went with it...

WHY NOT LET'S SEE JUST HOW FAT AND SLICK THE ROYAL PROPOGANDA MACHINE IS THESE DAYS?!?!

So...

The essence of this program was

PROGRAM

PROPOR GANDA

PROPER FUCKING GANDA!!!

GANDHI

GA GA

WOOF WOOF!!!

In particular the SHOVING of a BIG FAT ROSEY, RED, CLEARLY EXPERIENCED TONGUE, DEEP INTO THE NEVER SEEN SHIT CAKED 'BRITISH' ROYAL ANUS!!!!

Yes boss, the PROFESSED aim of this feast of ANAL RAMPAGE was to celebrate the selfless work The Duke Of Edinburgh has done for all us dumb aimless fucking plebs in the 60 years of his Duke Of Edinburghs Award scheme?!?!?! But what it in fact was, were an hour of Phillip Schofield inserting his WEASELY THIN FACE UP THE ASSES of both the Duke and any other Royal he could get near, whereupon he set about flipping and wiggling his demonic FAT tongue like a VIBRATOR DURACELL BUNNY!!!?!

The fawning went throughout and it was FUCKING NAUSEATING!!!

OH WHAT A WONDERFUL MAN!!! OH WHAT A SERVANT!!! OH WHAT A FATHER!!! OH WHAT A SHARP WIT!!! OH WHAT A HERO!!! OH HOW SELFLESS!!!OH WHAT A HUSBAND!!!

It was RELENTLESS and ASTOUNDING...!!?!/!!

And it got no worse than the final scene wherein Schoffers got his own Duke Of Edinburgh pin for wing walking on a fucking plane...?!?! (oh how BEAUTIFUL it would have been if weasel face TONGUE SLABBER had fallen off!!!)

Yes boss, there was Schoffers standing by an enormous royal fucking fireplace with his long SWOLLEN SLABBERING tongue itching for some more HOT ROYAL ASS!!! The Duke wandered in, knowing already he is BORED OUT OF HIS TITS!!! He gives Schoffers the gong, and then tries to fuck off as soon afterwards as possible, so he can go fondle some horses or his wifes sister. Schoffers tries to TRULY AND DEEPLY INSERT that tongue a few goodbye LICKS and half manages it,  then The Duke is finally off...

But does this any of this meek and embarrassing fawning really impress The Duke?!??!

OF COURSE IT FUCKING DOESN'T!!! NOTHING A PLEB COULD DO WOULD HE IS FUCKING GOD!!!

Furthermore, you know that the minute he finally shakes Schoffers off, and the doors close behind the SLABBERING tongue he says to his footmen:

'DON'T EVER LET THAT GROVELLING LITTLE CUNT NEAR ME AGAIN!!!'


Yes boss, if you want to know what it's REALLY like living in a country like North Korea, don't watch well meaning Netflix docs, watch this program...


http://www.itv.com/hub/when-phillip-met-prince-philip-60-years-of-the-duke-of-edinburgh-awards/2a4464a0001

Friday 18 November 2016

TOOT TOOT!!!



Well...

I'M HERE IN HOSPITALSITU!!! READY TO GET 'INTENSIVE CARED UP!!!'

Yes boss, I'm on another medical trial - a short one.

This one is all about schizophrenia drugs and sleep...

Specifically the effects of ZEP-380232 (that's not its real name). They're gonna split it, or something, into 2 and try if that way it allows schizophrenics to sleep better. Apparently they bang this stuff into them now, but it comes with side effects including muscle aches, and twitchiness, and sleep loss, and this isn't the sort of shit schizophrenics need added to their already overflowing plate! And so they're trying this new way to see if it makes things better - at least that's what they've told me...!?!?

So...

First part of this was wearing a SLEEP WATCH this last week. Yes boss, it might look like a retarded grey 80s digital, but the thing currently on my wrist costs $1600 and it's been recording my every waking and sleeping hour - FUCK KNOWS HOW?!?! Movement apparently?!?! I've been chatting away to it, we get on OK! But with its insistence I'm in bed by 12 midnight I'm beginning to think  IT'S RUNNING MY LIFE!!!

Today my sleep gets monitored even more closely...

Yes boss, tonight I'm gonna have electrodes attached all over my head and body, a tube up my noose, 2 respiratory straps on my body and an all night canula sneaking out blood as I sleep - all this in a small room with CCTV

FULL ON SLEEP HYSTERIA!!!

A VERY QUIET NIGHT!!!

It's quite exciting...

Only if I pass tonights tests do I get called back next week to take the drug and then the placebo and have 2 more nights of INTENSE MONITORISATION!!!

But I'm not even guaranteed to get my night of WIRED isolation tonight until they check my magic watch for good sleep behaviour and my piss test. 

Yes boss, I had a friend over smoking pure grass joints in my room on Monday and so that might have got into my system and stymied everything. This guy used to grow weed industrially in Spain. He only ever has good shit. He smokes it neat without tobacco - he's so picky, he even uses fucking filters. The room stank of it for the next 2 days and he only had a coupla wee small ones - let's see if any of it passively aggressively made it's way into my system...?

Fingers crossed not, or else I go home without any £$£$£ candy!

Anyway...

I may or may not keep you updated...

BYE FOR NOW!!!


Wednesday 9 November 2016

HAIR TODAY!!!



Oh God..!?!?

I'm betting you wished you didn't wake up this morning...?!?! IT'S SO TERRIBLE!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! THE WORLDS GONNA END!!!

HAIR MAN IS IN POWER!!!


Yes boss, the unthinkable has happened. An 8 bit spiv willy with a list of bankruptcies, self agrandisments, and sexual assaults, topped off with thin ice cream hair has got the top job in the world...?!?!!

SHOCK HORROR!!!


Now, I know there's a lot of fretting about this, but I really don't think there's anything in particular to worry about...

No boss, for a start I don't think the President really runs a damn thing - he or she is just a puppet figurehead.

And for seconds, most of Hair Mans ridiculous FEAR AND THREAT!!! hyperbole is just that.

Yes boss...

THERE WILL BE NO FUCKING WALL!!!

HE'S NOT GOING TO GET A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR ON HILARY!!!

HE WILL NOT RESURRECT AMERICAN INDUSTRY!!!

HE WON'T LOOK AFTER THE VETERANS!!!

AND HE WILL NOT MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!

HAIR MAN is just another lying little shit, saying what'll get him attention to gain publicity, to get IDIOTS jumping up and down (in favour or against) in order to get elected...

THIS IS WHAT POLITICIANS DO!!! They lie and misinform and exaggerate in the run up to an election, then once they're in, they do next to NONE of what they said they'd do, and they blame Congress or The Senate or £$£$ or I$I$ or their Auntie Fiona in Delaware beating them as a kid...


Mr Cool BRIGHT NEW ERA President Obama said he was going to close Guantanamo in the run up to his first election...

REMEMBER THAT!?!?

THAT HELLHOLE IS STILL FUCKING OPEN 8 YEARS LATER!!!

How kept to was that fucking promise...!?!?


Yes boss, if there's one thing that's characterised Trump as a man throughout his life (before he even thought about becoming a politician) it's changing the terms of a deal, lying and misleading, ducking and diving and PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME!!! And so what will happen now is that very little will change except more of the same American Impreialism dressed up as SAVING THE WORLD!!!


So....

NOTHING IS NEW!

IT'S SIMPLY RONALD REAGAN ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

CALM DOWN!!!

The show will go on

get back in your fucking seats

and keep enjoying the ride...!


Thursday 3 November 2016

FLIM FLAM CHATTER



Oh jesus...


When I was in Italy in September the most common thing I was asked by all and sundry was what I thought of Brexit...? Did I vote? How did I vote? What did it mean? What was happening as a result?

I'd respond by making a gesture with my hand like a chattering mouth and saying something to the effect of

'10 years of meaningless chatter and lawyers, civil servants and politicians getting rich, that's what's gonna happen...'


And I'd be amazed if I'm wrong...


Yes boss, today we find out that bunch of cretins in parliament need to have a vote on Brexit now?!?! Apparently a national wide referendum with a marginally clear result isn't enough to make a clear democratic decision in this country!?!?

What a crock of shit!


This will of course be seen by many who see themselves as being progressive and liberal as being a WONDERFUL DAY!!!

GREAT NEWS!!!

But, note that people WHOOPING AND CHEERING!!! this idea are celebrating a precedent that means any referendum now means

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

Yes boss, is giving 600 dicks in parliament a vote over a millions mass made decision something to celebrate?!!?!

REALLY?!!?

WELL CHEERED LIBERAL PROGRESSIVES!! WHAT GREAT ADVANCEMENTS YOU BRING US!!!


For what it's worth my opinion on Brexit at the time, and now, was I don't really give a shit either way. I can see arguments on both sides and I don't and have never voted so what does it matter to me...?!?!

But I'm certainly of the opinion that the decision made in the referendum was BALLSY!!!

and I like BALLSY!!!



All this crying after the event and throwing toys out of the cot by people who lost is however just

SOUR, LAME BAD LOOSING

nothing more

and I wouldn't mind at all if it stopped...
 

Wednesday 19 October 2016

THE SKY'S FALLING IN!!!



OK, that's enough of the mild messing about and pretend time wasting, here's a REAL blog about cycle racing...


Yes boss, sport in general has interested me in recent years not just for the stupid OBSESSIVE athleticism involved, but because of the spectacle, the farce, the business and the corruption. I like the intrigue, the cheating, the mental IDIOCY of SEVERE training and OBSESSIVE eating and training and NOT eating and SEVERE training, all washed down with a vast and complicated cocktail of drugs or marginal gains, to gain medals or prize £$£$£$£, or stupid trophies that can be bounced up and down whilst fizzy wine is sprayed everywhere in an idiotic fashion.

IT'S NUTS!!! GOOD NUTS!!!


Why do I like this....?

Because it's fun to watch and I feel it reflects and replicates (in a more fun and meaningless environment) the real worlds of politics and life in general...

Yes boss, sport is a perfect mirror of the REAL world and so for me it's a MUST SEE!


Until recently, the sport that interested me the most was cycle racing.

The thing I initially liked most about cycle racing wasn't just the sheer FUCKING PHYSICAL AND MENTAL BRUTALITY OF IT, but the fact I didn't have the first idea what any of the sponsors were, or who the riders were? It was more or less a completely exotic sport for me : the colours, the locations, the names of the riders all sounded like abstract noise, or little known performance artists.

Djamolidine Abdoujaparov
Jann Kirsipu
Udo Bolts

REALLY?!?!?

After a year or 2, the thing that then intensified my interest was the ridiculous levels of intrigue and guess work surrounding who was doping on what and when.

Who would be caught and who wouldn't?

Would they get a a ban or would they magic up an excuse that would wash?!?!

It was an endless duck shoot and some ducks were definitely more equal than others.

Yes boss, the first tour I ever watched on TV was 20 years ago.

In that Tour, Mr 60% Bjarne Riis dethroned Miguel 'Mr clean who (to this day) has never been fingered' Indurain. Then there wasn't much at all known about the RAMPANT DOPING going on - either by the fans or the mainstream media, though reading back old cycling magazines from then it's hinted at plenty... 

The first dodgy dope suringe was publicly popped 2 years later when the Festina scandal broke, and since then it's probably been the thing cycling's best known for - and the only thing that's kept the sport going and expanding...

Controversial...?

Not really...

Cycling has become more WAY MORE POPULAR since Lance Armstrong and despite his mea culpa the growth and interest has remained. Lance MADE Trek as  a company and increased the business of a whole bunch of other cycle related companies. 10s of thousands of people took to the bike for sport or fun and they started watching the Tour. Lance shouldn't be getting stripped of those 7 tour titles they should be throwing an extra 1 in for general promotion and global advancement of the sport.

And you'd have to say the same for Bradley Wiggins. Yes boss, before him, did anyone in the UK really give a shit about road cycling?  Sure Lance had a bounce here as well and Cavendish helped it all along, but it was Bradley who really put it on the map and sold MILLIONS£$£$£ worth of bikes and assocaited accessories in the UK. It was him who got the MAMILS on the side roads.


Anyway...

I haven't been so bothered about cycle racing this last coupla years

Why?

Well, since the simpleton gnome that is British Cookson has taken over at the UCI and Team Sky have raised their ugly blue and black heads from the lowland swamp, everything has become far too familiar and close to home.

Yes boss, when I was first into cycle racing there was 2 UK(ish) riders in the peloton tops, and at least one of them would usually fall off at an early stage of the Tour and the rest of the season you wouldn't really see them. Nowadays there's 15 or 20 UK riders and they WIN regularly and BIG all year round - on the flat, in the mountains and in the time trials, and with these wins the exoticity of the sport goes, and in come the dumb flag sucking fans...

By dumb flag sucking fans, I mean the same idiots who's sport watching lives are defined by things like 'Super Saturday' at the London 2012 Olympics. Idiots who can only enjoy sport in the context of it grandifying their rotten stinking country and therefore themselves and their own misplaced self esteem. Flag huggers, chimps, queen loving simpletons who choose to think North Korea is the worlds worst propgandist cult country, rather than being capable of taking a more honest and close look at the UTTER control under which they live and work in dear old blighty...

Yes boss, the first 2 years I cycled to the Alps to watch mountain stages in 99 & 2000, there was no Union Jack flag waving 'RA RA TIMMY!!!' UK hoards plaguing the mountainsides. Then no-one in the UK give a flying fuck about cycling other than those who were actively invovled in it or the odd freaks who watched it for probably much the same reasons as me.

Nowadays the British are all over it like a plague

DULL DULL DULL!!!


But it's not just that the British are all the sport that irritated and put me off, it's the alleged dawn of the new 'clean' era of drug free cycling...

Yes boss, I remember being outside the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square at the launch of the Tour De France when it left London in 2007. There I saw that silvery bearded shit Bob Stapleton. Bob was the guy who took over the DOOMED T-mobile team after they became doping credibility untenable. He took them over and gave them the most NAUSEATING name for a team ever

'HIGHROAD'

WHAT A CUNT!!!

Yes boss, I saw him standing up there on the way into the launch like some smarmy silver fox I Claudius and felt an almost overwhelming urge to yell

'OI STAPLETON!!! FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING PURITAN CUNT!!! YOU TAKE THE HIGHROAD, PERSONALLY I PREFER THE LOW!!!'

I resisted the urge, but I've never been sure if that was the right decision

But yes, since the later part of the first decade of this millenium there has been this slowly exploding myth that professional cycling has cleaned up its act. That the bad old days were over and a new clean anglo american era run by bearded fair players was upon us...


Has this REALLY meant cycling is no longer a sport plagued by cheating in all its forms?

Of course not, it simply means the cheating is done in a very British way. The rules are bent, the coverups go right to the top, it happens by having more $£$£, and the whole notion of 'British fair play' is daintily pedalled like a LIT UP Mo Farah. Shit, it's a wonder they didn't get Hugh Grant to wobble and wibble in as President of The UCI...


And you know what...?

People have SUCKED IT UP!!!

Yes boss, I never ceased to be amazed how the PURE, CLEAN AND WHOLESOME Team Sky thing was so widely bought. Not just by so many people, but by so many people who should know better...

For me Sky were unbelievable first and foremost because they're ultimately funded by Rupert Murdoch. That cunts name being attached is all you need to know about what levels the team will go to win. Yet you got all these people with no genuine long term interest in cycling except its the latest way to wave a Union Flag and feel good about themselves and their appalling job at British Aerospace building weapons designed for mass murder, sucking it all up like Murdoch is a fresh young virgin bambi who's only interested in decency, innocence and honest long term commitment...!??!


Well, my interest in cycling wained and I've not been to see the Tour since that time in London in 2007, since the UK has become the country to beat. I've barely even watched it on TV these last 2 years. And who wants to go all that way to some lovely foreign muntains only to be caught up with a bunch of sick UK flag waving shitheads?

NAIVE ONES AT THAT?!!?



But now things are flipping once more...

Yes boss, Team Sky have been caught shifting dodgy Theraputic Use Exemptions and most likely HAMMERING the cortico steroids in the off season (when bizarrely there's no testing for such things?!?!)

LOOSE WEIGHT KEEP POWER!!! That's been the ugly mantra this last while and Sky have no doubt been making the British Kite Standard on it, and you have to imagine that's only the tip of the iceberg... 

It's even less of a surprise that Chris VROOM VROOMS absurd mountain MENTAL LEG SPINNING attacks can't possibly REALLY be only driven by his withered veiny stick thin legs and emaciated torso....

They'll be FAR more to come on that one...


And you know what...?

Now that Wiggins is being dragged through the shit, the whole Sky house looks more than a little rickety and the talk is this last decade has been beset by an even darker more rampant age of mechanical and chemical cheating than ever before

I'm getting interested again...



Tuesday 18 October 2016

but interested enough to set out...




a brief guide to some of the other stuff I've been blathering this last year or so.



The quest for Actionpop kept me entertained for a while...

REAL...Imagined...Pop...Flop...Magic Moments...Propoganda...Lies...Think...Music...Politics...Mix...

It cost a BIG BUNCH of £$£$£ to do and was mostly ignored and quite regularly blocked, but it amused me, and I still have big trolley of dolls to suggest it might not be done yet...

Click the below picture to see more


http://www.actionpop.club


The there's been my long running photography project which is about little other than really enjoying the BEAUTY and WONDER of the female form

That's been on the go for 8 years now and I don't get bored of it.

Yes boss, Saturday just gone I had a lady turn up and do 3 hours of Yoga. I didn't know this was the plan, but then I never have a plan anyway. That's what she wanted to do, and so that's what happenned, all squashed into less than a 3 meter square space.

The thing I like most about the resulting photos is the way they convey the atmosphere in the room.

ambient. quiet. still. DEEP. breath. 

IT WERE FUCKING INTENSE!!!


http://paulgiovanni3rd.tumblr.com/post/151975616264/model-clara-sheppard


This last year or 2 that project has been mutating from being purely online photographic into further printed wierdness collage...




You can follow it all by way of my tumblr...

Click the below picture to go there...


http://paulgiovanni3rd.tumblr.com/